Being Green

Today, I’d like to…um, pretend that it’s still Wednesday, when this post was supposed to go up. I can do that, right? 🙂

But seriously, today, I’d like to talk about a subject that’s near and dear to my heart–BDSM. I’m only a couple weeks back from the wonderfully overwhelming experience that is every year’s Dark Odyssey, and my thoughts are still somewhat turned towards a mix of BDSM and hypnosis rather than purely the latter, so I figured I’d have a little chat about an often-neglected tool in a dominant’s toolbox. (And no, it’s not nipple clips. No, not rope, either. No, not the dildo–I said “often-neglected”, people! How often does a dominant neglect the fur-lined handcuffs?)

That tool is the word “green”. Its counterparts, “yellow” and “red” are ones that just about everyone in the BDSM scene is familiar with, even if they hope never to use them; “yellow” is the common code for, “Something’s wrong here and you need to put things on hold while we figure out what it is,” and “red” is the common code for, “I’m freaking out/in genuine pain/losing circulation to my hands and we need to stop the scene right now and let me go.” These are important, necessary tools for conducting BDSM, and with very few exceptions, any dominant who insists that they don’t need them is a douchebag. (If you think you’re one of the exceptions, you’re probably not.)

But a lot of people never really think to use “green” as a code for “Whatever you’re doing right now is wonderful, and I love it, and I would like this to be a regular part of our play together!” Which is a shame, because one of the big secrets of being a top is that dominants aren’t really filled with god-like wisdom and a perfect, innate sense of what it is that will make their submissive whimper in delight. (Except Lady Ru’etha, of course. 🙂 ) Dominants are always expected to be the one to come up with ideas about what to do, and a lot of the time, they’re winging it. Giving them positive feedback is a huge plus.

This isn’t the same thing as “topping from the bottom”, of course. That’s the wonderful thing about it. “Green” isn’t demanding or pushy; it’s just an expression of sheer, unmitigated bliss at whatever the dominant is doing to you at that moment. Your dominant can use it as a baseline, something they can go back to when they want to without surrendering control of the scene to the person being whipped/flogged/spanked/tied up/insert kinky thing here. Or there. Or…oh, goodness, will it even fit there? 🙂

In my particular case, Lady Ru’etha has literally installed a post-hypnotic command in my brain forcing me to say “green” when She finds something I like. The word just slips out all on its own, and She has said many times how much easier it is for Her to top me after She installed that trigger. Because She doesn’t have to guess at what I like from body language, She knows. It’s like a road-map to my brain. (She’s even made sure I know the sign language for “green”, “yellow” and “red” just in case I can’t speak for one reason or another. Which isn’t to say that it’s perfect…one of the workshops at Dark Odyssey left Her in the dark because everything She was doing to me felt so good that my hand was permanently locked on “green” for a solid 90 minutes, and I was way too blissed-out to talk. Of course, neither of us really minded the imperfect communication there. 🙂 )

So remember to encourage your subs to use “green” when you’re topping them. Or if you are a sub, try to use “green” when your dominant finds something you like, and be ready to explain why you’re moaning it out to them. 🙂 Because sometimes when it comes to BDSM, “go” is just as important as “stop”. Heck, maybe even moreso!

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One Response to “Being Green”

  1. Bane Says:

    Wow never occurred to me that there would be a phrase for “more please” in bdsm play. Informative post and a good read thanks for making it.

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