Archive for October, 2011

“Classic Jukebox” Now Available For Purchase!

October 28, 2011

At long last! The third chronological volume of my stories, long-delayed (I wanted to wait for the perfect cover, and wouldn’t you know it Sue-Chan obliged me perfectly!) is finally available for purchase! Finally, some of my strongest, sexiest, most classic stories (if, you know, you like them that is) are available in print or ebook form in a single collected volume! And what could make this better? That is to say, what could make this even better than twenty-one of my stories all wrapped up in a beautiful Sue-Chan cover? How about a foreword by the divine Goddess Herself, Lady Ru’etha? Because yes, it’s in there.

And which classic stories make up “Classic Jukebox”? Read on!

Tasty Little Fragments: Fangs of the Living Dead

October 14, 2011

You ever watch one of those movies (or TV shows, or read one of those books) where mind control is just enough of an element that you find yourself wishing that someone just a little bit kinkier had been writing and directing it? A scene that can’t even truly be called “erotic”, because it flashes past so fast that it doesn’t even have time to tantalize, but that you nonetheless find yourself returning to after the story is over? A little scene, a throwaway moment that only someone who shares your fetish would notice. But we do.

“Fangs of the Living Dead”, also known as “Malenka, the Vampire’s Niece” and “El Nipote del Vampiro” (in its original Italian) features Anita Ekberg as a naive young woman who inherits a castle in a tiny Eastern European country. Of course, it also turns out that there are legendary vampiric curses, secret treasures, madman’s schemes, and at least one twist within a twist that was added by the producers afterwards and renders the movie pretty much incoherent. But there is a very nice, albeit brief scene when Anita first arrives at the castle.

She’s left alone with a servant girl, who promptly menaces her with creepy talk about her uncle and her mother and the sinister secrets of the castle. Just when Anita is really starting to get irritated with the enigmatic hints, the servant girl leans in close (while wearing a low-cut dress that makes her astonishing cleavage impossible to ignore) and tells her, “We’ll talk of this later. For now, it is time to sleep.” And Anita practically sags onto the pillows, her face smoothing out into blank placidity as she says, “Yes…I am so sleepy…”

“Sleep,” the servant girl says. “Sleep, sleep…I will be here with you.” And as Anita flops out onto the pillows, the servant girl proceeds to kiss her shoulder. Anita stirs for a moment, but only for a moment…

And then the spoilsport uncle shows up. And of course, the servant girl was probably planning to bite her. (Except that as you find out later, she’s not a vampire. Okay, maybe this one isn’t so much “I wish someone kinkier was directing this” as “I wish this one was direct-to-video.”) Either way, it’s worth tracking down. And lucky you, it’s on YouTube!


MST3K Vs. Hypnosis: Invasion USA

October 7, 2011

Technically, I’m giving away a huge spoiler for the movie “Invasion USA” by including it in this blog, but let’s face it–the fact that it popped up on “Mystery Science Theater 3000” should tell you everything you need to know about whether this movie is the kind of tautly-plotted thriller that deserves to be watched without any details of its brilliant ending getting wrecked by people like me. Yes, this movie involves hypnosis. No, it’s probably not going to turn you on.

But it is present. The film starts with a group of people in a bar arguing about whether the government should have the right to commandeer civilian resources in peacetime, just in case we need to build up a huge army to keep the Commies good and intimidated. Only one person is in favor of it, and just as he’s being sort of vaguely mocked for his super-patriotism (which is odd, because he’s the only person in the movie with a foreign accent…it’s implied that he’s from the Eastern Bloc and escaped to the States…) The Commies attack!

The rest of the movie is a long, slow, joyless march to the death of all the main characters and the defeat of America, and all because we wouldn’t give up our freedoms to the United States Army! Don’t you see? If we don’t give up all our freedoms and turn America into a totalitarian state, the Russians will do it instead! Wouldn’t you much rather be oppressed by good old American men with guns instead of Russkies?

And in the end, of course, it turns out that Vaguely Foreign-Sounding Guy is a hypnotist, and the cast never actually left the bar. The whole thing was a hypnotically induced fantasy designed to shock them into understanding how serious the Communist threat could be, if they were imaginary hallucinations of a paranoid disordered mind and had no weaknesses. Therefore, um…profit?

It’s a lousy movie, but it’s well riffed and contains “A Date With Your Family”, one of the top three shorts MST3K ever produced. (“Father feigns eating, draws Junior out, then disowns him!”) Try some, won’t you?

Earworms Redux

October 1, 2011

I know it’s kind of silly, but it does pop into my head a lot, so without further ado…

(to the tune of “You Are My Sunshine”)

You are my Goddess
My only Goddess
My mind is empty
Thoughts fade away
I’ll never know how
Much you control me
Goddess speaks, and I must obey.