The Big Question

As you may or may not be aware, one of my milestones on my Patreon page was the promise that I’d use this site for more than a weekly sneak peek at my next story. My Patrons, being wonderful and generous people, have met this milestone, meaning I now need to start coming up with stuff to talk about.

Luckily, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk about for a while, if only because I figured someone would ask me this question someday, possibly in quite heated tones, and I wanted to have an answer all ready for them that wasn’t written when I was feeling defensive. So let’s talk about the big question: Why do I write this stuff, and why do I think it’s sexy?

Because let’s face it, I have written some pretty terrible stuff. I’ve written about characters being depersonalized, turned into whores, made into obedient fuckdolls, robbed for their ability to meaningfully consent and then used for the sexual pleasure of another, and in at least a few cases literally raped…all things that in real life, I despise and have quite vocally protested against. I identify as a feminist, I have on several occasions gotten quite snippy with people who treat women with anything less than respect for their intelligence and right to agency, and yet here I am writing a story about a guy who turned a lesbian cop into his second housewife. (Admittedly, I did write a sequel in which he got shot in the head, but karmic retribution is decidedly the exception and not the rule to my work.) And worse, I’m expecting people to get off on it. Am I a terrible person, or a hypocrite?

The answer is no. Or at least, I think the answer is no. Because the thing about human sexuality is that it’s messy. I know plenty of women who are feminists in real life, who are bad-ass women who take shit from nobody personally or professionally, who nonetheless fantasize about being raped. Not just being hypnotized or brainwashed into wanting it, but being physically coerced into sex acts that they would not do. I know macho guys who have fantasies about being tied down and forced to suck cock. I know all sorts of people with sexual fantasies just as bad as mine, if not worse. Many of them write them down, just like I do. Lots of them have orgasms thinking about it. And you know what? That’s fine because they, like me, know the difference between fantasy and reality.

Because ultimately, that’s what fantasy is for, especially in kink. A fantasy is a safe space we create in order to explore a sexual desire that it may not be safe to fulfill in reality, in order to learn about what turns us on so much about it. The fantasy itself does not have to be safe (it doesn’t have to be unsafe, either…some of the best fantasies are ones we explore to get ready to fulfill in reality) because it only happens within the confines of imagination. That means we can do terrible things…or have terrible things done to us…without shame, guilt or fear. Because none of that is real.

In the case of mind control fantasies, what you may learn is that you enjoy the idea of powerlessness. Or you may enjoy the idea of taking on a different persona, one that doesn’t have responsibilities and isn’t weighted down by the need to make big decisions. Or you might like the idea of having sexual urges so strong that they feel like they come from outside you and take possession of you, overriding any sense of propriety you might have. Or you might find that you like the adrenalin rush that comes from having sex in a dangerous situation. Or you might just find vampires sexy. Exploring those desires in a safe space isn’t bad, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean you want them to happen to you, or to someone else, in the real world. It doesn’t mean you’re ever obligated to act on those fantasies if you find yourself in a situation where they could play out for real, just because you imagined them. Reality is different from fantasy. For one thing, reality has consequences.

And I write these stories to explore fantasies. Some of them are more “realistic” than others–sometimes I imagine some of the consequences of those fantasies, other times I leave things blissfully consequence-free. Sometimes the things I describe could be done in real life, other times they’re cartoonishly unbelievable. But they’re all there for you to explore as safe spaces, places you can go into when you want and leave freely if you don’t like them. They’re not meant to describe the person I am, although they do come from me. They are, ultimately, there to be enjoyed.

I hope you enjoy them.

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