An Apology

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This post is really more of a confession than anything else, and it’s one probably about a decade overdue. See, I have an email on my profile at Literotica, and on my author’s page at the EMCSA…and I’m terrible at answering fanmail.

 

I mean really terrible. In fact, I think my fanmail answering rate is probably under 1 in 1,000. It’s not that I don’t appreciate it–I actually value my fanmail far more than your average mainstream author, because I understand that it’s a bit harder to admit to loving a writer of smut than it is to loving Neil Gaiman’s work. When you write to Neil, you’re saying, “I love quality prose, intricate plotting, and deft characterization.” When you write to me, you’re saying, “This particular kink made me want to masturbate.” I get that the latter is much harder to work up the nerve to write about.

 

But ultimately, I’m never quite sure what to say back. It’s probably an anxiety thing–I’m always concerned that my emails won’t sound as good as my writing, and being an introvert, I have a hard time socializing with strangers in general. And once the email sits in my inbox for a few days, I start feeling like I’d have to start out by apologizing for being late in my response, and that’s even harder to write, and then it just snowballs into a big old mess of social anxiety and then another email or two pile up on top of that one and suddenly I’m worried about a different fan. And the cycle continues.

 

So consider this by way of an entirely inadequate apology to anyone who’s ever written me personally and gotten no response. It’s not that I didn’t treasure your praise–I keep every single piece of fanmail, dating all the way back to 2005 (and I would have kept them all back to 2000 if not for a Yahoo purge I will never forgive them for)–it’s just that I don’t have the same nerve you do when it comes to talking to strangers.

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