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One of the things about being a lifestyle submissive (that is to say, someone who has an agreement with their life partner that they will be “in scene”, to some extent, at all times as part of their long-term relationship) is that I have willingly ceded a certain amount of control over my sexuality. That isn’t to say that I don’t have the ability to consent, but there’s definitely a strong overtone of what they call “implied consent” to the way Goddess and I play. She decides when we are going to have sex, and assumes (quite rightly) that when She decides to hypnotize me and play with my body that it’s something I am going to want.


That probably sounds all ‘9 1/2 Weeks’, ‘Story of O’, dark and sensuous and sinfully blah blah blah, but it’s actually quite playful. She describes it often as “pouncing”, and there’s definitely a feel of puppyishness to it. (Oh, the spellchecker hates “puppyishness”.) She takes me when She’s feeling playful, when something about my words or my eyes or just nothing in particular at all makes Her want to do sexy things to me, and it really takes very little to push me into that state of passive arousal that makes me very happy to be played with.


To give an example: The other day, She came downstairs for bed unexpectedly (She has multiple play partners in the household, and sleeps in different beds on different nights) because one of Her other partners was feeling poorly and She didn’t want to keep them awake or vice versa. She went and laid in the bed while I finished up some writing work, and I assumed I’d be reading Her to sleep as is often the case (we are currently working our way through the Charles Berlitz book on Roswell at Her request, for those of you who want to know what true sadomasochism is like). I crawled into bed with Her and advised Her that we’d need to get to the reading pretty soon before I got too cozy.


And She said, “And what would be wrong with that?” Now, it’s worth keeping in mind that Goddess has been hypnotizing me, on and off, for fifteen years now. At this point, I am attuned to Her methods of hypnosis so fully that I can tell, without needing any explicit cues like a watch or a spiral or hypnotic words like “deeper”, when She’s hypnotizing me. It’s just obvious from the tone of Her voice and the set of Her eyes. And when my subconscious knows She wants me to go under, it jumps at the chance. So when I heard Her say that, I knew that She¬† was saying it in Her hypnotic voice, and I could feel myself start to drop.


But my conscious mind was still thinking that it was late and Goddess was tired. So all I could really do to resolve the contradiction between conscious and unconscious was to mumble, “Nothing, I just, um…” before trailing off into confused silence. At which point, She pounced in earnest, taking my glasses off (that’s a powerful anchor for me, because the only time I ever take my glasses off is to sleep) and beginning to trace circles on my body, which is pretty much an instant trigger for me. And then my conscious mind caught up with my subconscious, and I dropped the rest of the way down.


This isn’t the same thing as “chastity play”, by the way. She isn’t exercising control over my sexuality when She’s not present…except when She is, which is about one day a week just to demonstrate how complete Her control over me actually is…and I’m allowed to play with other partners. It’s just that when She wants me, She has me. Anytime. Anywhere. And if you’re reading my blog regularly, you probably can imagine just how hot that is.

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