Posts Tagged ‘thoughts about BDSM’

Top Five Ostensibly Kid’s Stories That Seem Kinky Now (And Kind Of Did Then, Too, But You Were Too Young To Know What Those Feelings Meant)

February 1, 2011

Looking back, the roots of hypno-kink really do start early. Sometimes, it’s things that stuck out in your mind as a kid, absolutely fascinating you even though you didn’t know why they fascinated you and what it meant that you read it with a sort of strange excitement. Until, of course, you grow up and find all the mind-control porn and suddenly find yourself reacting in a way you understand a lot better now. 🙂 Some stand out more than others, but these seem to be the consensus five that every hypno-kinky grown-up recognizes from their dim and distant past:

5. A Wrinkle In Time. As if you need to be told, the relevant scenes here are on Camazotz, the world where everyone does everything in unison, even blinking, because they’re under the control of a giant telepathic brain named “IT”. The sequences where people are described as acting as a perfect synchronized group because they’re all in IT’s thrall, and particularly the scene where Meg struggles against IT’s control, fails, and has to be rescued because her mind is falling under IT’s dominion, well…they’re notable.

4. (tie) “The Masque of Mandragora”/”The Talons of Weng-Chiang”. No sexual context here, but both of these scenes stick out strongly in the minds of anyone hypno-kinky who saw them as kids. In one, the Doctor’s companion Sarah Jane Smith is mesmerized by a swaying pendant, and Lis Sladen did a very good job of acting hypnotized in an absolutely gorgeous way. In the other, a Sinister Hypnotist(tm) with Glowing Eyes(tm) ensnares a young woman and spirits her off to a Terrible Fate (all rights reserved.) Doctor Who loved the hypnosis in general (Roger Delgado spent years hypnotizing people left, right and center) but these two scenes are the champs.

3. The Dark Phoenix Saga. Oh, come on. Jean Grey gets brainwashed into thinking that she’s a debauched 17th century dominatrix as part of a plot to destroy the team? This wasn’t covertly kinky, it was out-and-out softcore porn starring the X-Men. With great art by John Byrne (who drew a very pretty redhead) and great writing by Chris Claremont (who was never afraid to let his MC kink flag fly), this was a defining moment for a generation of geeks. Runners-up, for the curious, involve the Purple Man (who later got a more overt MC kink story in ‘Alias’), the Mandrill and his pheromones that made women fall in love with him, and the Squadron Supreme Behavior Modifier.

2. The Jungle Book. Sure, in retrospect getting squirmy over a scene involving a giant snake and a little boy is deeply shameful. But the glowing, crazy-spiral eyes and the song, “Trust in me…” with all the sibilant esses…it’s hard to deny that this got to you, despite the fact that you have no interest in either of the principals of the sequence. (Although I suspect some wound up with a weird snake fetish and never could figure out exactly what it was that made them seem so sexy…)

1. The Silver Chair. This is really the archetypal “non-sexual but somehow sexual anyway” mind control scene in literature. The beautiful sorceress with her sweet, poisonous charms. The thick, sleepy fog that steals the protagonists’ will. The slow, enticing sapping of the will until the heroes can’t think of any reason why they need to ever disagree with the villainess. The vague, unspecified plans for the heroes that don’t seem to involve death…especially for Prince Rilian, who’s been under the Green Lady’s thrall for an awful long time. How many of us finished the chapter thinking to themselves, “Stupid Puddleglum”? And then thought for years that we were the only ones to think that? (And just think, we’re probably just a few years away from a big-budget screen version of it!)

Any on your list?

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Permission

May 7, 2010

Looking back, I don’t actually think I’ve talked about the phrase, “I give you permission” before. (Well, not literally looking back. I’m writing this off-line to post later. But I’m trying awfully hard to remember, and I think it’s a new topic.) It’s a very powerful phrase, one that Lady Ru’etha has been using quite a bit on me of late, and I think it’s worth discussing.

Because it is very powerful, especially in the context of hypnotic D/s play that tends to be such a favorite for myself and my readers. The subconscious tends to respond best to commands that let it do what it really wants to do; it’s the conscious mind that worries about the obstacles to doing them. When the hypnotist says, “I give you permission,” they’re relaxing the apprehensions of the conscious mind by suggesting that what the subconscious mind wants is allowed, which makes the suggestion sink in deeper because there’s no resistance. It’s alright to go further into trance; you have permission. It’s alright to feel good; you have permission. The phrase diminishes discord between the conscious and subconscious self, putting the subject into a more relaxed and suggestible state. And at the same time, it reinforces the authority of the hypnotist in a non-threatening way. It’s comfortable and kind and welcoming–how can “I give you permission” sound menacing? But it carries with it the implication that the hypnotist is the one who makes that decision. It puts the hypnotist in charge, even as it emphasizes the essentially benign nature of that authority.

And it’s tremendously versatile, too. The hypnotist can always give permission to the subject to do whatever they want to do, whatever they’re doing already. It’s very comforting to hear that whatever you’re doing right now is something you’re allowed to do. In fact, Lady Ru’etha has said more than once that the entire process of hypnosis can be summed up as giving the subconscious mind permission to do what it really wants to do–trance is a state the subconscious wants to achieve, and permission helps it find that state. Hearing that simple, powerful phrase–“I give you permission”–helps the subject melt into trance easier, and go along with suggestions better. And if you’re anything like me, that sounds pretty attractive.

Being Green

March 12, 2010

Today, I’d like to…um, pretend that it’s still Wednesday, when this post was supposed to go up. I can do that, right? 🙂

But seriously, today, I’d like to talk about a subject that’s near and dear to my heart–BDSM. I’m only a couple weeks back from the wonderfully overwhelming experience that is every year’s Dark Odyssey, and my thoughts are still somewhat turned towards a mix of BDSM and hypnosis rather than purely the latter, so I figured I’d have a little chat about an often-neglected tool in a dominant’s toolbox. (And no, it’s not nipple clips. No, not rope, either. No, not the dildo–I said “often-neglected”, people! How often does a dominant neglect the fur-lined handcuffs?)

That tool is the word “green”. Its counterparts, “yellow” and “red” are ones that just about everyone in the BDSM scene is familiar with, even if they hope never to use them; “yellow” is the common code for, “Something’s wrong here and you need to put things on hold while we figure out what it is,” and “red” is the common code for, “I’m freaking out/in genuine pain/losing circulation to my hands and we need to stop the scene right now and let me go.” These are important, necessary tools for conducting BDSM, and with very few exceptions, any dominant who insists that they don’t need them is a douchebag. (If you think you’re one of the exceptions, you’re probably not.)

But a lot of people never really think to use “green” as a code for “Whatever you’re doing right now is wonderful, and I love it, and I would like this to be a regular part of our play together!” Which is a shame, because one of the big secrets of being a top is that dominants aren’t really filled with god-like wisdom and a perfect, innate sense of what it is that will make their submissive whimper in delight. (Except Lady Ru’etha, of course. 🙂 ) Dominants are always expected to be the one to come up with ideas about what to do, and a lot of the time, they’re winging it. Giving them positive feedback is a huge plus.

This isn’t the same thing as “topping from the bottom”, of course. That’s the wonderful thing about it. “Green” isn’t demanding or pushy; it’s just an expression of sheer, unmitigated bliss at whatever the dominant is doing to you at that moment. Your dominant can use it as a baseline, something they can go back to when they want to without surrendering control of the scene to the person being whipped/flogged/spanked/tied up/insert kinky thing here. Or there. Or…oh, goodness, will it even fit there? 🙂

In my particular case, Lady Ru’etha has literally installed a post-hypnotic command in my brain forcing me to say “green” when She finds something I like. The word just slips out all on its own, and She has said many times how much easier it is for Her to top me after She installed that trigger. Because She doesn’t have to guess at what I like from body language, She knows. It’s like a road-map to my brain. (She’s even made sure I know the sign language for “green”, “yellow” and “red” just in case I can’t speak for one reason or another. Which isn’t to say that it’s perfect…one of the workshops at Dark Odyssey left Her in the dark because everything She was doing to me felt so good that my hand was permanently locked on “green” for a solid 90 minutes, and I was way too blissed-out to talk. Of course, neither of us really minded the imperfect communication there. 🙂 )

So remember to encourage your subs to use “green” when you’re topping them. Or if you are a sub, try to use “green” when your dominant finds something you like, and be ready to explain why you’re moaning it out to them. 🙂 Because sometimes when it comes to BDSM, “go” is just as important as “stop”. Heck, maybe even moreso!

Paths To Trance

December 13, 2009

Sometimes, there are experiences that I’m not sure I should share on this blog. Ultimately, it is a blog for sharing my experiences with hypnosis and trance in order to explain them to people who might be curious, not a memoir of my sex life (for the people who want to read that, I’ve got 117 stories, many of which are just like my real life but with all the boring bits taken out.) In general, I err on the side of silence…but Lady Ru’etha thinks that this is a story worth telling here because it really does teach something about trance. So all I ask is that you just mentally imagine the both of us as clothed when She pours the hot wax on me. 🙂

Because while you might not think about waxplay (or, in fact, any kind of intense sensation play) as a hypnotic induction, there are certain similarities. Basically, what’s going on is that your body feels a little pain (people who’ve never undergone BDSM play always look at it and say, “That’s a little?” But it really is a lot more fun than it looks…) Your body doesn’t realize what your mind does, though, which is that you’re perfectly safe and you’re not doing anything to your body that won’t feel just fine in a few hours (or maybe a day or two, in the case of some extremely…vigorous play.) So it starts pumping endorphins–natural pain-killers–into your system. If your top does it right, the endorphin release should always be well ahead of the curve of the actual level of sensation you’re feeling, so by the time the play does get…vigorous…you’re feeling nothing but a total, dopey, stoned bliss all over. In other words, you’re deeply relaxed, and focused on the sensations you’re getting from your top to the exclusion of everything else. Sound familiar?

In my case, my body was the one saying, “A little?” I’m extremely heat-sensitive, and even though Lady Ru’etha was using a wax with a very low melting point and keeping away from sensitive areas at first, I still flinched every time the wax splashed onto my skin. It was right on the very edge of “too hot!” as it landed, every single time. But in a lot of ways, that was where it needed to be; it wasn’t so hot that it burned (I wound up with absolutely no marks anywhere on my body from the hot wax) but it was hot enough that my body was convinced that it needed to release lots of endorphins.

And it did. I honestly could not tell you how long the session lasted, I have only the vaguest memories of what Lady Ru’etha said to me while She was dribbling the wax on me…all of the absolute classic symptoms of a very deep hypnotic trance, I exhibited without ever having a formal induction. The session of intense sensation had taken me to a point called “subspace” by BDSM enthusiasts, where you’re completely and totally into the experience to the point where you want to do anything the top says. And having gotten to that same point from many paths, I can say that it is a form of trance. Perhaps not one that formal therapy can use, but… 🙂

By the end, I was blissed-out, spacey, and very eager and willing to let Her pour wax onto places that I thought would be way too sensitive to enjoy…and they weren’t. Once the endorphins had ramped up enough, the pleasure just swamped out any pain I might have felt. (I try not to get too evangelical on this blog, figuring that you’ll read about my experiences and either want to try them or not, but honestly, bottoming to a good top in a BDSM scene is an experience that you really need to try before you can understand it. Yes, it looks painful. Probably terrifyingly so. But when it’s happening to you, it’s a kind of sublime bliss that defies words. It is worth getting up the nerve to try, at least once.)

The only thing? If you’re doing waxplay, do what we did, and put down a cheap shower curtain. It’s worth the cost not to have to clean wax out of your carpet.

Sexism and Kink

October 15, 2009

That’s the weird thing about three-day weekends; they always seem to make you a day late in doing other things. Your Tuesday feels like a Monday, so your Wednesday feels like a Tuesday, so you wind up posting your blog entry a day late. 🙂 My apologies to all my readers.

So today, I’m going to tangent a bit–this blog mostly discusses hypnosis, with an implied understanding that we are actually discussing “erotic hypnosis”. But I’m actually going to focus on the sex part today. Unfortunately, it’s not in one of those “ooh, sexy hot secrets from my personal life” sort of way. I’m going to take the time to rant a bit about sexism and BDSM.

For a lot of people, this rates a sort of automatic, “Well, duh!” Many people (and many feminists) feel like any BDSM relationship in which the man is the dominant and the woman is the submissive is automatically a sexist relationship, just like the sky is blue and the grass is green. It’s not even hard to understand their logic; we’re just now coming out of a seemingly-endless period in history where women heard from every conceivable source that their role was to submit to the male authority in every area of their lives, and it took a lot of time, energy and effort to break free of that indoctrination (which is not the same as hypnosis, a topic I might discuss someday.) And it’s by no means a completed process. (Just ask Phyllis Schlafly.) So when some people see a woman in a subservient relationship to a man, it is natural to think of that as sexist.

But the kink community is all about (and I know some people are going to wince at hearing these words, because they are so overused, but bear with me) power exchanges. BDSM is about voluntarily giving your power to someone else, letting them enjoy the rush of dominance while you enjoy the rush of submission. Those are both enjoyable feelings, and both fun roles to take. There really is nothing wrong with wanting to take either role, because it is a voluntary submission. Any good scene, and any good BDSM relationship, has at its base the knowledge that the bottom can take that power back whenever they want, but are choosing not to. (And the very best scenes come along when the bottom lets that knowledge slide far enough to the back of their head that they only remember it if they absolutely have to, which is part of what makes hypnosis so much fun in BDSM play.)

It’s that word, “voluntary”, that is key here. “Voluntary” means that the submissive only gives up power under the conditions they’ve determined, at the times and in the places they’ve decided. They set the boundaries for their submission. Maybe that’s only submitting when wearing a collar, maybe it’s only in the bedroom, maybe it’s 24/7 lifestyle submission. But it’s their decision and their boundary. They might lose all their power within those boundaries, but they never lose the power to set them.

That’s the difference between submission and sexism in the world of BDSM–when someone else decides that they have the right to set your boundaries, that’s sexist. Saying, “You did that for your last boyfriend, you should do it for me,” or “You did that last week, you should do it again this week,” or “You submitted to me in the bedroom last night, that means I’m in charge and you should let me decide whether or not you keep your job” or even, “You hypnotize some people for free, that means I should get a freebie because I don’t want to pay for it” (to cite a particular pet peeve of many hypnodommes…) All of these are ways of trying to take the power that the submissive has the right to keep for herself. That’s sexist.

Or, to give the example that originally prompted this line of thinking, Valerie D’Orazio posted on her blog a while back about a comic book convention with a “Slave Leia Photoshoot”, where lots of women dressed up as Leia in her metal bikini from “Return of the Jedi”. D’Orazio said, “No matter how many times the girlfriend says that this was completely her own decision and that her man, standing beside her in a Han Solo outfit or trucker’s hat, had absolutely nothing to do with it, I just didn’t buy it.”

Which prompts another question: By refusing to accept that another woman could set her own boundaries, enjoy sexual behavior (in this case exhibitionism rather than actual BDSM) and still be an independent feminist, isn’t D’Orazio trying to set boundaries for them? And is that a form of sexism in and of itself? Saying, “I wouldn’t do that, so you can’t” could be seen as just as sexist as saying, “I want you to do that, you you must.”

(Although, in the interest of fairness and accuracy, I should point out that D’Orazio might very well be right, too. If, in fact, the boyfriend was pressuring his girlfriend to dress like this, he was taking away her right to set her own rules for when she displayed her body, and that’s clearly sexist by my own definition. I’m just pointing out that in any situation involving sexuality, particularly sexual kinks, it’s not ever going to be as simple as “sexy=sexist”, and that in fact, a lot of the people trying to banish women’s sexuality are doing so in order to control it…and nobody but the woman in question has the right to do that. Just to make things clear, in case Valerie D’Orazio should happen to visit the site and worry that I’m slamming on her. 🙂 )

Have I Changed?

March 29, 2009

So I was chatting with Thrall this afternoon, talking about how much fun it is to be brainwashed (short answer: VERY), and she asked me, “So how exactly has Lady Ru’etha changed you over the years?”

And I paused, because I honestly don’t know. I mean, I answered the question, but I really don’t know if I gave it a good answer, because it’s very hard to tell. It’s down to how hypnosis works. One of the things your mind does best when dealing with hypnosis is convincing itself that you haven’t been hypnotized. “I’m not doing this because I’ve been hypnotized into doing it, I’m just going along with it because I don’t feel like arguing.” “I’m not hypnotized into liking this; we just talked about it, and I agreed to try it, and I found out that I liked it.” “This is just normal behavior for me–the hypnosis thing is pure coincidence.” Et cetera.

So when I try to think about how I’ve changed since Lady Ru’etha started hypnotizing me, it doesn’t feel like much. She always says She doesn’t want to change me much anyway; She likes the way my brain is right now. So it feels like really minor changes. I’m typing this right now wearing a pair of soft velcro cuffs, because She always has me wear those while I sleep and I haven’t bothered to take them off after waking up from a nap earlier, but that’s not really much of a thing to ask. And likewise, I also put on a continuous loop of Her Voice while I sleep, but that’s not really so much a change in and of itself. It makes it easier for Her to brainwash me, but it’s really more of a cause than an effect.

And I do wear two collars, one around each wrist, everywhere I go–but they’re not really noticeable as collars. The average person probably just sees them as bracelets. And frankly, don’t those “average people” wear wedding rings? If that’s brainwashing, then lots of people are brainwashed.

And I’ll admit that my erotic writing became a lot more productive after She started hypnotizing me again, specifically right after She said, “I think that you’re going to want to write about this,” but I wasn’t even hypnotized at the time She said that. I was just coming out of a trance.

And yes, I’ll admit I do feel generally submissive to Her, but I’ve been in non-hypnotic D/s relationships, too. I’ve come to accept that I am a sub. It’s just who I’ve always been. (And OK, technically speaking that phrasing specifically echoes Her words and Her programming when I’m in trance, but it’s a catchy turn of phrase, isn’t it?)

And yes, I did wind up going with Her to Dark Odyssey, a convention specifically tailored to fetish interests, and I did wear a collar around my neck the entire weekend I was there and proudly wear a nametag that said, “Lady Ru’etha’s Jukebox, Deeply Obedient Deeply Hypnotized Tranceslut”. But, um…well, it was a romantic getaway. And like I said, I already know I’m in a D/s relationship with Her, and really, who can honestly say how much of that is down to the hypnosis?

I know I can’t. It’s hard for me to really say whether or not I’ve changed at all. It doesn’t feel like I’ve changed much, but like I say, I’m not the best judge of these things. Everything feels very natural, just something I’ve always wanted to try. I know I’m a little different, but I’m not sure how much.

I’d ask Lady Ru’etha. She’s good at explaining things.

Subspace and Trance

February 28, 2009

My Lady just commanded me to post a bit on this subject, and you’ll need to bear with me for a moment because while I really can’t refuse Her, I’m not entirely sure of my own thoughts on the subject. So I’ll engage in the time-honored tradition of rambling while I collect said thoughts.

Of course, when I’m in trance, I don’t have many thoughts at all. Ditto with subspace; I know that there’s a lot of spirited debate on the subject of whether the two states are related, but to me, it always feels like a no-brainer. (Pun not intended.) Subspace is always described as that point where the endorphins and the emotions of the scene combine to create a point where the sub is no longer really capable of comprehending a reality outside of the scene. They just want it to go on forever. (In fact, The Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt calls subspace “The Forever Place”.) Lady Ru’etha and I watched a Domme named Lolita demonstrate flogging at Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire, and she described it as “getting them to a place where all they can say is ‘yes’.”

To me, that’s a longer path to where I get the moment my Lady says, “Down.” Nothing wrong with the scenic route, of course; this isn’t a discussion of which is “better”, because there isn’t one. This is a discussion of how one can be used to enhance the other. When I go into trance, it makes the experiences of BDSM more vivid, immediate, and all-encompassing right away. I feel more immersed in the scene, more open and accepting of my Lady’s direction and commands, and generally buzzed all over. (To the point of frequently becoming non-verbal; one of the things I’ve been working more on recently is trying to stay aware enough to explain to my Lady just how much I enjoy what She’s doing to me, because it’s very easy for me to sink so deeply into the sensation that I can’t do anything else but feel it.) I hit that Forever Place quicker, which means I can stay there longer and build a huge erotic charge out of the scene.

It also means that once I go into trance, I’m in subspace even if I’m not necessarily in a formal scene. Just today, my Lady tranced me over the phone, and while I was deep in that Forever Place, she had me relive the sensations of a scene we’d already done together. She wasn’t touching me, She was thousands of miles away, but I felt like she was penetrating me with Her fingers just from hearing Her speak. When physical limitations prevent the physical part of BDSM (and let’s face it, they frequently can, for a wide variety of reasons), hypnosis can give you access to that same space without having to flog your sub until the endorphins boil over.

And of course, it works the other way as well. Knowing that subspace is a form of trance means knowing that the flogging, binding, petting, and quite possibly piercing (I’m not brave enough for needles, but mad props to those who love it) are all forms of hypnotic induction. So if you learn a bit about hypnosis, you can combine that with BDSM to find more specific and deliberate ways of inducing the state of subpace quicker and more powerfully. Your subs will go deeper, faster, harder, and stay there longer because you know exactly how to dominate their mind as well as their body. It adds an extra dimension to your play, once you realize that subspace and trance are related, and inducing one can induce the other.